How to Set Relationship Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Talking about your limits isn't rude: you're showing your partner that you value honest communication. You'll avoid fights and misunderstandings while learning about each other.

Many people bring up their boundaries at the start of a relationship. If you've been dating for a while, it's not too late. Discussing behaviors that make you uncomfortable can strengthen your connection. Likewise, encourage your partner to discuss anything that makes them uncomfortable.

Make Your Intentions Clear

Clearly state your boundaries to leave no room for misunderstanding. Never assume that your partner can read your mind--if they make a mistake, they're likely acting out of ignorance. Bring up the issue privately but directly without resorting to passive-aggressive tactics, such as the silent treatment.

You won't know all your boundaries at the start of your relationship. If your partner offends you, explain why you need to set a new boundary. Talk to them politely instead of saying "Why didn't you know this already?", which makes them defensive and often leads to an argument.

Respect Your Partner's Limits

Now that you've set your own boundaries, recognize your partner's limits. Don't assume that they've changed unless they state that outright. For example, if they dislike crowds, don't take them to a crowded area while assuming that they can handle it. Your partner may feel disrespected and confront you about it.

However, you can reasonably expect your partner to bring up issues on their own. "Punishing" behavior, such as disrespecting your limits in return, is unproductive and manipulative. If they don't tell you directly, they don't want you to change--they just want to make you feel guilty.

If your partner resists setting healthy boundaries, it might be time to rethink your relationship.